Lessons from a Legend: A Conversation with Gloria Steinem

BRG’s Robin Cantor and Chau Hoang discuss what the famed feminist and political activist taught them at the 2021 BRG Women’s Leadership Conference

A leading American feminist for decades, Gloria Steinem was a featured speaker at the 2021 BRG Women’s Leadership Conference in early May. BRG Managing Director Robin Cantor and Director Chau Hoang, who led the conversation, discuss what they learned from Steinem.

Q: What was your most important takeaway from Gloria’s remarks?

RC: What stuck with me was how she takes the long view, and how that makes her see that things really have progressed for women over the course of her lifetime. There was nothing negative or angry about Gloria; she has an open heart and exudes clear optimism, which is impressive given the ups and downs of the revolution that she’s lived through. I hadn’t fully appreciated her attitude from her writings, but it was quite clear after hearing her speak.

CH: Her optimism stood out to me too. In Gloria’s eyes, there are no barriers; things just take time to improve. At one point, we asked her what she would tell her 30-year-old self, and I was impressed when her response was “Things will be all right.” But critically, she also doesn’t advocate complacency.

Q: You asked Gloria how COVID-19 has affected women in the workforce, and specifically about the “shecession” and the fact that so many women have left the workforce in the past year. Were you encouraged by how she answered?

CH: Gloria talked about how successful women have a symbiotic and empathetic relationship with their partners—and how that empathy comes a little more naturally after the past year. The effort stay-at-home partners put in every day is abundantly clear if you’re working from the next room. 

Gloria—rightly, I think—also said the pandemic experience could lead to the further democratization of childcare, which, in turn, could lead to more equity and more opportunities for women. So, while the “shecession” is real, Gloria was again trying to take the long and optimistic view.

Q: Gloria shared a story about a woman executive she knows who talked about why she no longer fears shedding a tear in work settings. How did that story affect you?

RC: The story was about how the executive stopped holding back tears while making it clear to her staff that when she cries, she’s not necessarily sad. On that occasion, she was angry. That resonated with me, because while I work hard to stay even keeled, if something happens that makes me sad or angry, I might cry. It’s unhealthy to keep things bottled up, and women and men should feel that showing emotion regarding their contributions is okay. It’s totally appropriate when teams that jointly share success show emotion within reason and with care not to alienate team members, because it also comes back to the need to be authentic.

Q: Gloria explained the importance of a single shape—the circle—a few times in her remarks as a way to break down hierarchies. Does that resonate with you?

CH: I thought that made a lot of sense, and it’s wisdom that has proof points going back thousands of years. Too often in organizational structures, we work in a triangle, which is a top-down dynamic that can create tension. But if you talk in a circle, it relieves the tension, because you’re forced to look at the people to whom you’re talking—and listening, hopefully. Everyone is an equal, and it helps with things like equality, communication and collaboration.

Q: You asked Gloria how women can create opportunities to come together, similar to how so many women came together for the WLC. She suggested bringing girls as young as 9 or 10 years old to similar events, even as guests. What do you think of that approach?

RC: I agree with it, and I’d take it a step further. We should be bringing all children to these types of events. It’s in keeping with something I’ve done throughout my career; that is, never excluding my family from having exposure to my work. I’ve had demanding jobs that take a lot of my time and energy. It’s important for my family to see that I love what I do. They should be part of the work experience. Not everyone will be on board with blending work and family life—and I agree with Gloria that everyone has to make choices that make the most sense for them—but it’s worked for me, and I imagine it will work for others.

Q: When Gloria was asked how women should focus their efforts, she was blunt and said “Wherever they please”—though she added another word for effect. What was your reaction to that?

CH: I was a little surprised that she didn’t offer up something more prescriptive and directional. But she’s basically saying that each woman should do what’s right for her—each has her own path. She wrote about this in My Life on the Road when she said, “Taking the road—by which I mean letting the road take you, changed who I thought I was. The road is messy in a way that real life is messy. It leads us out of denial and into reality, out of theory and into practice, out of caution and into action, out of statistics and into stories—in short, out of our heads and into our hearts.”

RC: Gloria is impressive, because she doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. She brings an interesting balance as a social activist who fundamentally believes we all have to be true to ourselves and our individual preferences. The activist view is basically saying it doesn’t matter what you do—just do something. She doesn’t think she should say what that is for each individual, which is a unique combination of perspectives—and probably part of why she’s so fascinating.

Q: Did you have any other big takeaways from the event? Anything that will stick with you for a long time?

CH: In a breakout group, we discussed tensions among different generations of women and how they compare. Many women said they had received more guidance from male colleagues early in their careers—that perhaps older generations of women were less likely to be mentors. But that dynamic, based on the rest of the conversation, is changing, and women helping women seems to be happening more and more. This is important for women’s advancement in the workforce.

RC: There was an interesting discussion about how these conversations evolved. First, women didn’t have a voice. Then they had one, but mostly other women were listening. Now men are listening too. 

We’re getting to the point where the women’s movement isn’t a women-versus-men issue anymore. It’s empowering all people and emphasizing that women’s issues are human issues. Or as Gloria has said so many times, it’s about baking a new pie for everyone.